by Libbie Feichter
I teach a couple yoga classes every week. After my last baby, I went to teach my first class. A student approached me, “Have you lost all the baby weight?” The question hit me sort of hard, right in the chest. It was an abrupt entry into the “real world,” after my maternity-leave. I thought for a second about my response. Was I ashamed that I hadn’t? Did this person need a lecture about manners? Maybe. Did she need my entire story? No. I responded, “Nope, this is what I look like with about 15 extra pounds, but I’m not really worried about it.”
I wish I could have come up with something more eloquent.
I wish I had said, “Today I am not the same weight that I was when I became pregnant with my last child. My bottom and thighs are rounder and my tummy is soft and squidgy. My breasts are the biggest they have ever been and I feel so good that they are full of milk for my baby this time (because one time they weren’t).
I am mushy and squishy in every way right now. My brain is mushy and squishy. It’s been altered (possibly permanently) by a cascade of hormones throughout pregnancy, birth and now – to help me understand, respond and bond to my baby.
My heart is mushy and squishy because when it felt like my body was going to break apart in birth, the thing that really broke apart was my heart – making room for the love that would come with this child.
Everything is as it should be right now.