So much of parenting is not witnessed by anyone but your child. Our children don’t overtly thank us or praise us for parenting them. We have to infer their satisfaction with us when they smile, sleep, or sigh in content. We wish they would just say, “hey, you’re doing a great job being my mom.” But they don’t until they’re at least school aged and on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day if you’re lucky.
Even our support partners only see segments of the hard work we do because often when one partner is parenting, the other is engaging in self care or task work. Certainly, if you catch your partner parenting, acknowledge it and praise them for it whenever you have the chance. That’s a cue to them to praise you back.
Later, there is often one parent parenting alone most of the day while the other works inside or outside of the home. Entire days pass while you parent alone.
Next, there is the phase where both parents are working for many families. The child is with a caregiver, but the lactating parent is still parenting from a distance if they are pumping.
Pumping while apart from your baby is parenting without the baby present. Pumping is really difficult physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is an invisible part of parenting and it is really hard work.
Your invisible work deserves thanks.
Ask your partner for praise when you need it. This may sound like, “hey look at all this milk I made today at work, tell me I am amazing!” while you are processing your milk in the evening.
But really, the best way to reward invisible work is to thank yourself. How you talk to yourself as you move through parenting makes a really big difference. Self acknowledgement and self praise are important and helpful ways to validate the invisible work that nobody but your baby witnesses. This is talking to yourself silently or aloud. “Good job settling the baby. That was really challenging.” “Wow, cluster feeding is intense. It is awesome how I keep showing up for the baby to let them nurse as much as they need.”
Cultivate this self talk now and use it every time you feel that the work you are doing is invisible.
I am doing a good job.
I am a good parent.
My baby is thriving thanks to my hard work.
