Your baby lived in you, then your baby lived on you, then your baby becomes more and more comfortable on their own.
It is our job as parents to teach our children how to feel comfortable without us. Ideally, your child and you spend this time calmly, rather than upset and crying. But more often, there are big emotions associated with separation for both you and your baby.
In the early months of your baby’s life, that means giving your baby some time to lay alone, away from your body. Perhaps this is during tummy time, or when your baby is just laying on their back looking at the ceiling fan.
This gradual separation of your bodies also helps each of your nervous systems to adjust to not feeling each other all of the time. You may notice relief mixed with discomfort or fear.
As your child ages, there will be increased degrees of separation. When your child goes to daycare. When your child weans from breastfeeding. When your child goes to kindergarten. When your child closes their bedroom door. When your child prefers spending time with friends. When your child learns to drive. When your child leaves for college.
Luckily, we experience small, incremental degrees of separation that prepare us for the increased intensity and duration of separation. It is important to acknowledge the emotions you are experiencing without judging them. Too often, we push emotions down by rationalizing why we shouldn’t be feeling a particular way. Cognitive reasoning can help when we feel emotional. “I know my baby is safe on her playmat.” And acknowledge that your emotions are real and valid. “I feel uncomfortable and sad when my baby is spending time alone on her playmat.”
Be sure to accompany emotions and reasoning with loving self talk. Make room for pride and self acknowledgement. “I am so proud of my baby for entertaining themself. I am proud of myself for allowing my baby to have this space.”
